I'm a soldier to my own emptiness. I am a winner

So as you might have noticed, I haven’t been actively using Tumblr in the past 4 months. This is no coincidence. A lot has happened to me that has really stressed me out, giving me no time to do anything, let alone think. I lost my best friend. Along with that, I lost dozens of other friends. My grades are poop and I’ve grown to hate myself, my personality, and especially my looks. I don’t know if any of you care, but I’m sorry I haven’t been posting. I don’t get any messages anymore, not that I got a lot to begin with, considering the fact that I have followers in the thousands… but I don’t get messages and I don’t know I guess it just made me feel unloved or some shit like that. I get enough crap from the outside world, I just got bored of Tumblr. I got bored of no one talking to me. I got bored of seeing posts about happy people or people with strong friend or family ties. I got sick and tired of seeing pictures of beautiful people and wishing I was someone else. I used to blog night and day, 24/7. Now, I’m lucky if I go on my blog twice a week. I’ve been really depressed the past few months, more than I’ve ever been, and I’ve come close to ending my life a handful of times. I want to, but I can’t. As you can tell, I’m not exactly stable right now. I just lost 40 more followers, which if fucking fantastic, adding to my happy day, and I just want to vent. God I do. Wait. Allah I do? Bahh I just want to be happy. Ya know?

Anyways, I’m performing in my school’s production of Hello Dolly tomorrow, so that’s exciting I guess.

1) If you feel the need to “make out” with your children before letting them out of your car please do not enter the drop off zone and proceed to the nearest parking space where you can smooch, snuggle, family group hug and high-five your way to a kinder and gentler morning without holding up the line for 5 minutes.

2) If your children are shoeless, half-dressed or in need of some final grooming tips before being allowed to disembark from your vehicle please do not enter the drop off-line. All children should be “mission ready” for their school day before you reach the drop zone. This also applies to the parent that feels the need to get out of their car, unbuckle each kid and then place their backpacks on their backs. Rest assured, parent if your child can use scissors at school and go to the bathroom independently I can guarantee they have long ago figured out how to master a seat belt and know that the straps to their backpack do indeed go on their back. All you’re doing is holding up the line and sabotaging your children’s fine motor skills.

3) If you have a child that had a melt down en route to school please pull over somewhere private and address the issue. The drop off-line is not a hospitable place to conduct any kind of family therapy. Studies show that a teary, unhappy child is further distressed by the act of having to get out of the car.

4) In the interest of public safety do not attempt the triple play of talking on your phone, putting on makeup and driving while negotiating school drop off. Because when you hit the back of my car it won’t be because I stopped short it will because you were distracted by the superb magnifying qualities of your new lash boosting mascara.

5) Do not, I repeat, do not, get out of your car to “visit” with another mother. Nothing you have to share, no gossipy tidbit, even high value teacher gossip or spousal cheating updates, are valid enough for you to leave your vehicle. All parents doing transportation duties should keep their butts firmly affixed to the driver seat.

6) If your child is having to “pack mule” anything that is either half their body weight, bigger than their arm span or is fragile, please make arrangements to help them unload and transport items to school from the safety of the parking lot

7) Never, ever, park in the drop off-line. I know you think that you’re just going to run into school for less then 60 seconds and what could it hurt to leave your car for a moment. But, in the time space continuum that is the drop off zone that 60 seconds stretches into at least 10 minutes. I know it’s not your fault. It’s never your fault. You’re a popular mom and you ran into another mom you needed to talk to or you got waylaid by someone wanting you (of course) to volunteer for the latest fundraiser. Meanwhile, your car is causing not only a traffic stoppage, but a disaster is in the making as other cars have to go around your parked vehicle comprising the safety of children.